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Polish That Silverware
Step 1: Silverware should be polished with a fine, soft cloth. We suggest your spouse's favorite clothing item.
Step 2: Finding the right cleaning fluid is the key to great looking silverware. We suggest cottage cheese for an extra shiny finish.
Step 3: Apply a generous amount of cottage cheese to the silverware, or insert all the silverware into a large vat of cottage cheese. The choice is yours.
Step 4: Taking the favorite clothing item, roughly scrub the silverware until your wrist are sore.
Step 5: Note: The tines on forks (the pointy ends) and the blade on knives (the sharp side) are dangerous. Handle with care. Spoons are wimps.
Step 6: After each piece of silverware has been scrubbed free of cottage cheese and excess cottage cheese left should be licked from each piece.
Step 7: Licking tarnished silverware. You should now begin at step three with all the pieces of silverware that you licked.
Step 8: Upon completion of this project, make sure to hide or discard your spouse's favorite clothing item that is now soaked with cottage cheese and spit.
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